When Even Canada Says “Fuck You,” You’ve Screwed Up
It took Donald Trump exactly two months into his second term to blow up 150+ years of goodwill with America’s friendliest neighbor.
Canada. The country that apologizes when you bump them. The country that fought with us in two world wars, shared NORAD airspace for 65 years, and has traded $1 trillion annually across the most peaceful international border in history.
Now they’re done with us. Prime Minister Mark Carney said it flat-out: “The old relationship with the United States is over” 1.
Let’s be real: you have to be a world-class dickhead to lose Canada.
Trump did it in eight weeks.
A Trade War Nobody Asked For
In February 2025, Trump reimposed 25% tariffs on most Canadian imports—including steel, aluminum, and even energy—under the phony pretense of “national security” 2.
Canada retaliated instantly: 25% tariffs on $30 billion worth of U.S. goods. Steel, cars, food, even bourbon and toilet paper got slapped 3.
Carney’s response? Calm, furious, and unmistakable:
“Canada must act like the United States is no longer a reliable partner.”
– Mark Carney, PM of Canada 4
This isn’t a lover’s spat. This is a breakup.
And it’s not just economics. It’s existential.
“Annexation” Jokes Aren’t Funny, They’re Threats
Trump, in peak brain-worm mode, joked that Canada should be annexed and made the 51st state.
Why would any sane Canadian want that?
- No healthcare unless you win the GoFundMe lottery
- Mass shootings every week
- Women losing bodily autonomy
- A Supreme Court that thinks it’s 1742
- A political system so broken we elected Trump twice
You think Canada wants in on that? Not even if we promised free therapy and snowplow subsidies.
And let’s not ignore the real reason the GOP wouldn’t actually want Canada: 40 million liberal voters.
Letting Canada join would mean Republicans never win another federal election again—unless they pulled a Puerto Rico and gave them land rights without voting rights.
Which, let’s be honest, sounds most likely.
Annexation Fantasy: Trump Thinks Canada Wants to Marry Its Stalker
Trump’s idea of “annexing” Canada is like a sweaty mall Santa proposing to a nun—delusional, creepy, and entirely unreciprocated.
Let’s get this straight: Canada left the British Empire without a war. You think they’d willingly sign up to be Florida with snow?
They don’t want your broken democracy, your for-profit ER bills, or your toddler-shooting spree statistics. They have functioning schools, paid family leave, and a population that hasn’t collectively lost its mind.
And logistically? It makes zero sense.
- Currency: The loonie would become a hostage to the Federal Reserve.
- Politics: Canada’s left-of-center electorate would nuke the GOP’s national ambitions.
- Culture: America can’t even pronounce “Zed,” and now you want to legislate poutine?
It’s not a merger. It’s colonial cosplay.
Annex Canada?
That’s like trying to colonize your ex who blocked your number, moved on, and is now dating someone with a stable currency and universal healthcare.
Canada doesn’t want to be the 51st state. They want to be anywhere but in America’s group chat.
When Hockey Fans Boo the U.S. Anthem, You Know It’s Over
You know what really cuts deep? Hockey.
Canada lives, breathes, and bleeds that sport. And for decades—even at the height of Iraq War anger or NAFTA spats—Canadian hockey fans never disrespected the American anthem.
But in 2025? They booed.
LOUDLY.
During the 4 Nations Face-Off in Montreal, the crowd drowned out the “Star-Spangled Banner” with jeers and chants against Trump 5.
That might seem trivial. It’s not.
That was a national sentiment breaking through the ice. Canada wasn’t just mad. They were ashamed—ashamed that their best friend had turned into a drunk, abusive ex.
Boycotts and Burned Bridges
It didn’t stop with the anthem. Canada has started boycotting American products at scale. Grocery stores pulled U.S. goods. Domestic tourism replaced trips to Disneyland. Brands with “Made in USA” labels got shelved or slandered.
One Toronto shopper summed it up to CBC:
“I won’t give a cent to a country that treats us like a threat.”
That’s the kind of shift that sticks. Economic nationalism has taken hold like a frostbite that won’t thaw.
Even Canadian celebrities are turning their backs. Ryan Reynolds pulled a product launch from L.A. to Vancouver. Celine Dion canceled a Las Vegas residency in protest. Drake dropped a diss verse (OK, maybe not—but we wouldn’t blame him).
This Didn’t Come Out of Nowhere
Let’s be clear: Trump didn’t start this war. But he sure as hell escalated it with TNT and Twitter tantrums.
His first term had:
- Steel and aluminum tariffs in 2018 6
- Repeated personal insults of PM Trudeau (“very dishonest & weak”) 7
- Attempts to scrap NAFTA and sabotage its replacement, USMCA
- Mockery of Canada’s military spending, despite their critical role in NORAD and NATO
By 2020, Canadians already ranked Trump as the least-liked U.S. president in history 8.
In 2024, when he won again, Canadian headlines read like obituaries:
“The U.S. We Knew Is Gone” – The Globe and Mail
A Relationship That Took Centuries to Build… Gone in 60 Days
This is the real tragedy. Canada didn’t just like us. They believed in us.
They shared NORAD command. They joined us in World War I, World War II, Korea, Afghanistan. They signed hundreds of environmental, economic, and defense treaties. They sent firefighters to California, nurses to New York during COVID.
And what did they get in return?
- Tariffs on their steel
- Threats to their sovereignty
- Disrespect on the world stage
- And now, a trade war from a man who’s never read a trade agreement
Timeline: How Trump Wrecked a 150-Year Friendship in 150 Days
| Date | Event |
|---|---|
| 2018 | Trump imposes steel & aluminum tariffs on Canada (25%) |
| 2019 | Canada retaliates; Trump lifts tariffs under USMCA deal |
| 2020 | Trump floats “annexing” Canada during campaign rally |
| 2021 | Biden revokes Keystone XL pipeline—Canada dismayed but diplomatic |
| 2024 | Trump re-elected. Trudeau resigns. Carney takes over. |
| Feb 2025 | Trump slaps 25% tariffs on Canadian goods again |
| Mar 2025 | Canada retaliates. Carney declares “old relationship is over.” |
| Mar 2025 | Canadian fans boo U.S. anthem at hockey match |
| Apr 2025 | Boycotts of U.S. brands surge. Anti-American sentiment explodes. |
It Will Take a Generation—If Ever—to Rebuild
Even if Trump is ousted in 2028 (God willing), the damage is done.
Canadians now see America as unstable, hostile, and too volatile to trust. Their government is diversifying trade ties, cutting dependence on U.S. supply chains, and building stronger partnerships with the EU and Asia.
And if you think “oh well, they’ll come back” — don’t count on it.
This isn’t 2003. This isn’t about a single war or a dumb president. This is about a pattern. A rot. A neighbor who’s lost the plot and thinks he can bully his friends into staying.
Spoiler: Canada’s not staying.
Meet the New Canadian PM Who’s Not Taking Trump’s Shit
Mark Carney isn’t just another polished Liberal. He’s a former Goldman Sachs banker, former Governor of the Bank of England, and now, Canada’s Prime Minister.
Translation? He knows how to hit back—in dollars, not just diplomacy.
Unlike Trudeau, who tried to play nice, Carney came out swinging:
- He called Trump’s tariffs a “strategic betrayal.”
- He publicly declared the U.S. an “unstable partner.”
- He’s already fast-tracking trade pacts with Europe and Asia to de-Americanize Canada’s economy.
Carney’s not just angry—he’s methodical. And unlike U.S. politicians, he actually knows how global markets work.
He’s not waiting for 2028 to see if America gets its shit together. He’s building a firewall around Canada’s sovereignty now.
Honestly? We could use a Carney down here.
When Canada Flips You Off, You Deserve It
America, look in the mirror.
If your oldest, nicest ally starts booing your anthem, boycotting your exports, and calling your president a threat to democracy—it’s not “hurt feelings.”
It’s a wake-up call.
Trump didn’t just alienate the international left. He burned the bridge to the most loyal, peaceful, cooperative partner the U.S. has ever had.
It takes a special kind of asshole to lose Canada.
Trump is that asshole.
Sources
[1] Mark Carney: Old Canada-US Relationship Is Over – Financial Times
[2] Trump Imposes 2025 Tariffs on Canadian Goods – White House
[3] Canada Responds to U.S. Tariffs – Department of Finance Canada
[4] Newsweek: Mark Carney Declares End of Old US-Canada Relationship
[5] Canadian Fans Boo U.S. National Anthem – NPR
[6] 2018 Tariffs and Retaliation Timeline – Norton Rose Fulbright
[7] Trump Calls Trudeau ‘Dishonest and Weak’ – BBC
[8] Canadians and the 2024 U.S. Election – Environics Institute
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