MAGA world has found its new 9/11: someone keyed a Tesla.
Apparently, vandalizing an overpriced electric car is now “domestic terrorism” — according to Donald Trump, who said the vandals will “go through hell” for daring to disrespect Elon Musk’s sacred chariot.
Meanwhile? School kids get gunned down in classrooms on a monthly basis and all we get from these clowns is “thoughts and prayers.”
“Pro-Life” — As Long As You’re Not Born Yet
The party of “pro-life” can’t be bothered to protect actual children from bullets.
School shootings? Meh. Just price that into your kids’ lives like active shooter insurance.
But throw paint on a Model Y? Suddenly it’s DEFCON 1.
Where was this energy when 19 kids were murdered in Uvalde and the cops stood around polishing their boots?
Scratch a Tesla, go to jail. Kill a classroom full of kids? Let’s not politicize tragedy.
MAGA’s Justice System: Teslas > Democracy
The same people calling Tesla vandalism “terrorism” spent the last few years minimizing the January 6th insurrection.
Not only did Trump pardon over 1,500 Capitol rioters — including Proud Boys and Oath Keepers [BBC] — but he and his GOP buddies called them “patriots” and “hostages.”
And guess what? Some of those “freedom fighters” are back behind bars:
- Emily Hernandez stormed the Capitol, posed with Pelosi’s nameplate, got pardoned—then killed a mother of two in a drunk-driving crash. [CBS]
- Andrew Taake was arrested on weapons charges after being pardoned for Jan 6. He also had prior charges for assault. [ABC]
- Edward Kelley tried to use his Trump pardon to dodge a plot to murder FBI agents. A judge said: no dice. [Guardian]
- Another rioter was recently arrested for solicitation of a minor. [Guardian]
Pardoned criminals. Re-offending. Real victims. MAGA doesn’t care.
“They Were Political Prisoners”
Now let’s address some of the greatest hits from MAGA social media:
“They didn’t get due process! The 4th, 5th, 6th, 14th Amendments!”
Let’s be clear: They got trials. They had lawyers. They had judges appointed by Trump. Some pleaded guilty. If the system was rigged, it was rigged in their favor.
If you’re worried about due process, maybe look at how cops treat black teenagers with dime bags before crying for Proud Boys who filmed themselves breaking into the Capitol.
“They pled guilty because you can NEVER win against the federal government.”
Right. That’s why they livestreamed the crimes. Real martyrs. Real masterminds.
“The FBI had agents in the crowd instigating things.”
Prove it. Oh wait, you can’t. Because it’s a conspiracy theory that’s been debunked more times than Trump’s tax returns.
“Your side issued blanket pardons to actual criminals.”
No one’s defending corrupt Democratic pardons. But when YOUR team pardons cop-beaters and seditionists who go on to kill moms or solicit minors? Maybe shut the fuck up about being the “law and order” party.
School Shootings? Just Buy a Kevlar Backpack
Let’s revisit what Republicans won’t call terrorism:
- Uvalde
- Sandy Hook
- Parkland
- Nashville
- Columbine
In every case, the GOP’s solution is the same: more guns, fewer drag queens, and a moment of silence.
They won’t regulate AR-15s, but they will put kids through active shooter drills starting in kindergarten. That’s not safety. That’s cowardice dressed up as freedom.
MAGA Math: Property > People
This is the equation:
- Paint on a Tesla = 20 years in prison.
- Officer beaten with a Blue Lives Matter flag = pardon.
- Child murdered in a classroom = “Now’s not the time.”
You can only clutch your pearls over vandalized Teslas if you’ve got zero empathy and selective memory.
Final Thought: Values on Display
Scratch the surface, and the Tesla outrage reveals the real MAGA doctrine:
Only their lives, their violence, and their property matter.
Patriotism doesn’t mean excusing violence when your side does it. And justice doesn’t mean prison for protestors and pardons for insurrectionists.
If MAGA wants to cry about scratched paint while ignoring real blood on their hands, then maybe they deserve a little vandalism—of their narrative.
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